where to?

surely, we have better use for our time.

2007-01-31T16:31:00.000+08:00

sorry, this blog is dead.
maybe see you in some other incarnation,
some other place and time.
cheerios! ;p

next door

2007-01-31T16:27:00.000+08:00

i pushed the 'it's a must fresh lemonade' to her and said "yours na lang."

"finish it na, you're already half-way through."

i shake my head.

"why?"

"i don't want it anymore."

"why?"

"i dunno, i just don't like it anymore."

i thought 2006 was the year i reeeaally did, because i always say i did at
the end of each year. but apparently, i haven't grown up
after all. this makes me scared for your sake.

night diving

2006-12-12T12:14:00.000+08:00

it used to be once a day, but i'm getting old, so i'll settle for do something scary once a month now. for december, it's night diving. i have to admit, i was a bit panicky and unsure when i was getting into the water. for some reason, i couldn't get my breathing to steady. just an arm-span away from D and my heart would pump. Damnit, why do those waves keep moving?!

So when Ricky said 'let's go down', i wanted to scream 'wait! wait! let's stay up here for as long as we can, i'm pretty sure i'll be running out of air fast.' but ang galeng, as soon as we went down, it was alright. the excitement took over. the overwhelming sense of adventure. i was content to float, just taking it all in - the other divers in the dark with their pillars of light. it was all so navy seals, haha.

it was just like walking around your neighborhood at night really. a bit different, a lot more shadows, but what scares you is mostly your imagination. of course the ease was short-lived, i panicked again later on. (being underwater talaga is an exercise in containing hysteria. just slip for a second, just let yourself think for a second about the abyss dropping away under you, the darkness surrounding you, the weight of all that water on top of you...) but then someone took my hand, and again, i was alright.

i loved the parts when i'd peek into little niches in the coral and a fish would hide from the light. "spotted you!" the octopus looked other-worldly and ghost-like (but i still like the cuttlefish more). the sea urchins looked like evil sputniks, waiting to shoot spikes at you when you float by.

i can't wait to get down again. but this time, i'm bringing a bigger light.

whee, B has an underwater camera

2006-12-12T11:42:00.000+08:00

and guess who benefits? hehe.
see two cuties below.

happy feet

2006-12-06T21:23:00.000+08:00

didn't turn out very happy in some bits. in fact, contrary to the light-hearted, silly little romp the title implies, some parts are down-right heavy, self-important and ambitious. but the happy parts ARE just too cute (surprisingly) and i am now wanting a Lovelace-choking-as-he-keeps-upright-in-the-ice-storm action figure. i want one that cackles and spits and chokes. what are the chances of finding that?

anyway, a tap-dancing penguin with a cause got me thinking about mine (again). i know, i know, you'll say it's 'another one of those days' when i look out the window and think about other things. but i can't help it. i was in a cab this morning heading back to the office from another long and pointless meeting about small and unimportant things, and it just came to me - i don't want to do this anymore.
i can only keep distracting myself with a mildly interesting initiative for a kinder client, or a new shoot that'll prove to be fun, or a cool costume for the christmas party, but you know what? after everything, after i close the window after distracting myself with another wiki article, or after walking back to my desk after successfully clearing with dave, i'm still bored. the way i was bored in bangkok, not having work. here, i do have work, bored-busy, busy-bored with self-important and ambitious campaigns to sell soup.

you'll say i'm whining. i got what i wanted and now that i have it i want something else. well, i've always wanted something else haven't i? and now i wonder why i never went for that. in the cab this morning, heading back to the office from another long and pointless meeting about small and unimportant things, it just came to me - i want my life to change next year.

and not just a - move to another country but still do the same thing - kind of change. but a bigger, deeper change. heck, maybe a total overhaul. of course, i'll keep some things. maybe it's just a matter of moving things around a bit so i can do more of what i really want to. i don't know yet really. i don't know anything for sure. but a change is coming. please let it be coming. something that could be heavy, self-important and ambitious too, but at least, moving along on happy feet.

ha!

2006-12-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

three months in thailand and i manage 75 blog entries. i've been back here officially seven months and i don't even have a third of that here. i therefore conclude (not that this is a new realization) - having a life is counter-productive.

(whispering) atin-atin lang to ha, but that's also my excuse for being one travel article, three personal essays and umpteen fiction pieces negative. there goes my brilliant writing career. bwahahahahahahahahaha.

bacuit bay, palawan

2006-10-17T15:37:00.000+08:00

i've been putting this off because i have to write an article anyway. but i just wanted to say, really, how amazing the Philippines is. i've had to make the choice, more than once, between staying home or moving away, but how could I? how could anyone?when you've got limestone cliffs right in your backyard.
(i swear, if there were a fight, superman would just have to slam brainiac into one of those cliffs and wala, patay na sya.)

i've been inexplicably so happy this day. someone's asked me why, e inexplicable nga e. but anyway, i'm thinking it could be my perfect perfect tan (haha, yabang!), my lovely relationship with mucus man or the two great meetings yesterday. but i guess it's just everything falling together. it's like that moment in the small lagoon, when i finally snapped out of jadedness.

it all boils down to moments like that. when you lean back and let the kayak take you out, careful not to tip over. slip under a rock bridge and emerge in a lagoon. You look around and you're surrounded by million years old rock stretching around and above you, greens breaking through the cliffs and the mysterious deep green of water below. Then, as today, you think "i really really like where i am right now. thank you god for taking me here."
(if i weren't tamad, pwede kong i-connect to with the previous airplane entry. you know, transporting, taking me here eklat? whatever. anyway, never mind. tamad nako ;p)

window seat

2006-10-17T15:06:00.000+08:00

i never thought it would happen, but it did. i took flying for granted.

just realized now, when i looked out and my eyes widened, that, my god, i haven't actually looked out a plane window in so long. i guess in those last trips, i'd just settle down and sleep. but this morning, with the airconditioner mist and the sun streaming through the window of the tiny plane, it really was like being transported again. and were were floating through an ancient forest of clouds.

running, reaching, beating

2006-10-11T20:46:00.000+08:00

Someone said sailing's just like flying a kit.
Damnit, I've never been able to manage that.

These days, I've figured - When you lack understanding, you go back to the things you're sure of. And words, I'm sure about those

I'm at this point in sailing lessons where i can't see the big picture yet. I'm just memorizing the vocabulary, putting terms to objects and conditions. If the sail looks like this, then that means this. If the wind comes from there, you call it this.

But today, i had some time to think about it and go beyond the mix&match. And then i understood.

When the wind is behind you, run with it. That's why your sail unfurls fully, arms outstretched, asking for a big hug.
When the wind is in front of you, struggle to beat it. So your sails tuck in. Like when you're walking against a howling wind, hugging yourself tight, trying not to lose the bits of you that stick out.
When the wind is away from you, reach for it. And your sails act accordingly. Reaching out. Fingers sticking out of a car, letting the wind run through it.

Suddenly, it all makes sense. And I'm starting to get a little faith. One day, i might actually get to fly a kite.

i still miss Limewire, so -

2006-09-29T18:46:00.000+08:00

is it just me or is he cute?

while these guys are such nerds, but such geniuses.

manila zoo

2006-09-27T14:48:00.000+08:00

“Why?”

Wala lang. It was nice to be around kids and happy families (that weren’t yours). To walk about with a camera, anonymous, munching on peanuts. And of course, my favorite, eavesdropping. I got some pretty good, er, eaves too.
Like at the guinea pig pen -

"Ano yan 'tay?"
"Daga."

Oo nga naman.

I'd tell you about the publicly masturbating monkey. But maybe it'd better if you didn't hear about it.

++++

Sometimes I think it would be easier to just up and go. To start from nothing rather than keep on going with what you have. It's hard you know, to try to change. Or pray you have the strength to bear the inevitable. again.

If one day you look up and ask yourself, where'd she go. I just must tell you, a woman wouldn’t leave without the symptoms you know. We sniff the decomposition even before the bacteria come. Feel the muscle twitch of rigor mortis, earlier even that its onset.

So, see, I didn’t really leave you. I just left before you realized you did.

breathing apparatus

2006-09-14T11:45:00.000+08:00

I wish my lungs and whatever air tracts were dive equipment so I could get them serviced right now. There's something wrong. If I were a better diver, I'd know the exact terms. But all I know is, the air doesn't come quick enough when I breathe in. There's a clog somewhere. Or maybe i'm just running out of air.

Diving metaphors rule my life now. The last two days, at every breath I had to fight for, the image would come to mind of so many cubic feet of water weighing me down, my neck craning up to see how far I had to go for a foothold again. The same panic comes. The same studied calm – breathe, just breathe. Both are a fight for life, really. Just that diving gets you a great view. But getting sick just gives you some useless days off.

p.s. On another note, is there a scientist out there who's considered human phlegm as an alternate energy source? Anyone? Fine, Nobel here I come.

37.4 degrees

2006-09-14T11:41:00.000+08:00

On the world map, that’s a few miles off the coast of El-Jazair.
I’ve never been there, but my temperature has. At least, on it’s way down.
Which means I’ve been all the way up to the town of Benicarlo near Valencia (40++ degrees), down to somewhere off the coast of Gandia (39++) and afloat on the Mediterranean sea (38++).

Illness, nothing is so self-absorbing as that. (Except maybe being in love.) It’s our body screaming for attention. The heat of its self watching itself burning you up from inside. Look away and die.

thinking too much

2006-09-14T11:24:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wonder if you’re here now because I was then. At a convenient time. When you needed someone. And I was the only one stubborn enough to hang around.
I wonder, if I had gone, because you and I know I never was, completely - IF I had - if you would have followed like you did then.
I wonder, if you wonder, about all the other missed ones. The ones that got away. The ones that simply left. The ones that fought the love. I wonder if I’ll just be the one that stayed.

There are many ways to wonder. (And am I not her who is named aptly so?) But shut me up, please do. Because as far as now is concerned, we’re alright. All right. And doesn’t that say it all?

to mexico, south beach and japan

2006-09-01T10:56:00.000+08:00

well, somewhat.

when you can't go to places, eat their food ;p

thank you Powerbooks for abusrdly cheap (when on sale) cookbooks.

now, it's time to find coriander, cumin and rice wine.

pagudpud, laoag, ilocos norte

2006-08-25T13:08:00.000+08:00

did you even know we had windmills?

We have at least fifteen
along the beach of the town of Bangui.
The bus rose with the road and
the sight of them - the water, the sand, white
windmills - caught at my breath.

i needed that again.
i needed eyes widening in wonder.
i needed a skip of heartbeat.
i needed a quieting.

So finally, i decided on the 1130pm bus to Laoag.
With William the Hermit as its patron saint.
It was a sign.

It was perfect.

"i think you're amazing"

2006-08-25T13:04:00.000+08:00

you're not too bad yourself.
thanks by the way :*

if you survive the sea -

2006-08-03T11:02:00.000+08:00

you can survive anything.

you think you're friends. that it opens up
for you, just for you, and shows you her wonders.
an even more giant turtle this time. so many huge fish
in rainbow colors or in pearl. the neon of
clams coming through the murky blue. the camouflaged
silent ones, waiting and immobile, thinking they're invisible
even to you.

then a triggerfish attacks. or you run out of air.
and you remember - the sea doesn't make friends.

i miss Limewire

2006-07-14T16:01:00.000+08:00

for karen&pao and coldplay

2006-07-13T15:28:00.000+08:00

singapore 2006

it felt different this time.
for some reason, despite my beat-up body
(war games with the new company the day before),
it was happy, pleasant, vibrant.

or maybe,
i just felt different this time.

get out of the kitchen

2006-07-06T17:23:00.000+08:00

cooked for the first time since i got back.
that was lunchtime yesterday.
today, i can still smell ginisa on my fingers.
and really, it's not from a lack of washing my hands.
my fingers are dry from my exertions.

the smell of garlic, your sweat over a stove, of heated oil.
in this way, the kitchen clings to you.
and as much as i love it,
i cringe from other people for fear
they'll catch its traces on my skin.

part 4: finally, atimonan

2006-06-26T11:37:00.000+08:00

i love coastal roads that are, well, right by the coast. i mean like, you're on the road and there's the sea right there. add in some Helio Sequence, a steady drive and it's just perfect.

once you reach the town of atimonan, take the road turning right - away from the town, don't go in - to hit the coast. i hope you get there around noon, so you see the sun throwing brilliant spears of light on the blue blue water. then see the whole lovely scene stretching out as you drive by.

we checked out a few resorts. the ones that had turned up on the net were either fully occupied or didn't look promising. lucky for us, we happened on a new resort development with a kind of orangey, brick, tex-mex thing going. tex because there were exposed cow, shark(?) and other scary skulls about. mex because it was dusty.
it was so new that some of the rooms weren't even done yet. our bathrooms weren't fully functional. and the restaurant had a VERRRY limited (hotdog for breakfast) menu. you know the resort has great aspirations though. i particularly liked the wood swing that hangs by the side. that and a few other shots made for great pictures. haha.

at first, A and i weren't too happy about the beach. the low tide pulled the water far out, so we had to walk maybe 20 meters to lie in the water. we had to pull the kayak out even further later on. the sand was dark gray and didn't look particularly clean.
but the water was so calm. when we took out the kayak and rowed out, we could have been in a lake. We think it's because that particular bay was almost completely ringed by islands.
it was my first time to row a kayak out to really deep water. it was lovely just sitting there, looking down & wondering what was happening at the bottom. to see the sun striking shafts all the way down down down til you couldn't see where it was reaching anymore. just lounging out, talking, careful not to tip over.

after an afternoon nap (after 2 kinds of pancit and fried chicken for lunch ;p), i was astounded. suddenly, the beach was breathtaking. there wasn't any.
the water came right up to the resort. and all you saw was hues of blue deepening as the water went farther. we took the kayak out again, not having to go far to go very deep. and, hushed, waited for the sun to set behind the mountains.

++++

at some point that day, we realized we missed the eme road - better known as the zigzag road which runs through the Quezon National Forest Park. it seemed we had inadvertently passed through a relatively new and relatively unexciting diversion road. so the next day, we hatched a diabolical plan for A to drive so we could detour. but D was up for it anyway and i think the excitement of the drive surprised him.

due to the tight turns and steep inclines, flag guys have to wave you through each turn,making sure no other vehicle shares the road with you. not driving of course, it was just an exciting ride for me. and the towering trees on each side, the sunlit canopy of leaves made it more scenic. (note to self: really write that angkor wat entry already)

* to get to eme road from atimonan - take the road back to pagbilao. about 10 minutes past the town, there'll be a huge sign on your left that says "BAWAL dumaan sa old zigzag road.." so what do you do? Take the turn and daan sa old zigzag road. A "welcome to Quezon national forest park" sign should immediately greet you.

** at tex-mex place: we spent just Php 1,000 per person for aircon room with cable (twin sharing), breakfast, lunch, so many litros of Coke and Royal, 2 days cottage rental and 1 and a half day kayak rental. i love cheap escapes.

part3: pagbilao, lucena, atimonan

2006-06-26T10:59:00.000+08:00

alright. i'll just be honest and admit that the reason why i've been putting of this entry is because i forgot the name of the place where we had merienda. haha! but basta, when you take that turn-off before reaching pagbilao town proper, it's the first resto and park you'll see on your left. there's a huge sign, so non-ulianins unlike me will be sure to remember the name.

we stayed there for a bit to decide what next. this place is interesting naman as it has those stilts-ed huts that stand in the water. and you can hear the water lapping under you as you eat. they went a bit further by putting in a nautical theme- the hut's front was shaped like a boat's prow. we also found the food conveyor from the kitchen (up in the hill) to the dining hut (down in the water) cute - it was in the shape of a little red plane.

they had a few aircon family rooms for rent - P2k++ but as we weren't thrilled by the view or the place, we decided to just look for a cheaper place in lucena, then head for atimonan early the next day. pagbilao's coast, we realized, is primarily a fishing area.

what could be cheaper than free?
fortunately, D's mother's family maintain a house in Lucena. and again, fortunately, we bumped into D's uncle right as we were walking on the stilts-ed walkways. what an unlikely place to bump into anyone.
having arranged free accomodations for the night, we wondered what there was to do in Lucena. being primarily city-folk, we made a beeline for..tada..SM Lucena. i ended up buying a frisbee and a kite in Toy Kingdom ;p

ho-hum. anyway, the next morning, we pulled ourselves out of bed and drove through the town of Lucena (missed Buddy's Pizza), Pagbilao again and inadvertently took the diversion road to the Atimonan coast.

dive & trek, anilao, batangas

2006-06-26T10:38:00.000+08:00

i should be finishing the quezon entries instead of writing this. but damnit, i'm tamad. and besides, life has over-taken me. which just means i'm slow and not that life is particularly fast-paced.

but but but anyway - WHEEEEE! my first dive weekend ever! 7 dives! :) i love the underwater world!!!! i saw turtles(well, more like a turtle, several times). i saw lots of parrotfish and clownfish and lionfish and and and...and the reef and the coral was just amazing! amazing! hahaha, i'm apparently also inarticulate. but well, the underwater world has that effect. i do believe if everyone went diving, people would be happier.

having heard so many stories about that place, i was totally unprepared for how beautiful Dive & Trek is. of course, what's below water eclipses what's above. but i'm thinking non-diving friends would enjoy it as much as divers would.

after parking in Lemery, boats take you to DnT. The trip takes less than 10 minutes, with a mountain of rock and green rising on your left. and of course, deep blue water stretching all the way out to your right.

DnT sprawls along an area fronting the sea. so all the rooms and their balconies- basic, clean and shared among friends or family - face the sunset. Again, amazing! a wound across the sky bidding us goodbye.

going home, we were trailed by bright sparks of white bioluminescence, as if the sea were saying "come visit again soon". (well, technically it's saying "stop disturbing us damn you!", but i'll take creative license)

maybe i'll tell you more about it once my infatuation's died down, i've had more sleep and i'm a bit less gushy than this. in the meantime, i'll go research about all the underwater creatures i met for the first time.

quezon via rizal (part2: lucban, tayabas, pagbilao)

2006-06-16T13:33:00.000+08:00

the original non-plan was to "head in the general direction of quezon". go to a coastal area, find a beach. After a few hours of internet research (the Lonely Planet guidebook wasn't any help again), a plan shaped up: "head for the triangle of pagbilao, atimonan and padre burgos". we had three days and three towns to hit. sounded reasonable.

taking the rizal route, i know i'm in quezon once the road narrows and heads up. something about the air in lucban changes - i suppose it does in any mountain town - that tells me i'm almost there. sadly, travel companions wanted to head straight for pagbilao. so we weren't able to stop in the old cathedrals of lucban or tayabas. or buy some baskets. or even chorizong lucban. or walk around the tiny town square. it WAS late afternoon already though and we still hadn't found accomodations, so i suppose it was reasonable to just settle somewhere already. sigh. (brat.)

nearing pagbilao, we saw a sign for turn-off for Pueblo Por la Playa. Not having any other leads on where to stay and the name being familiar from the google search, we followed the purple arrow. alas, the place was "exklusib lang po ito". the short (transplanted) white sand beach and clutch of mexican houses were strictly for members.
very much frustrated, we headed back to the main drag. (it takes about 10 minutes on a very narrow, curvy road to reach the development)

now even more clueless, we headed to the main town where i asked directions for the general area of resorts. we were pointed back to that same turn-off. back where we came from, there was apparently another sign for a park and restaurant. with no other choice, we turned-in again.

sa may riles

2006-06-14T11:07:00.000+08:00

a bus lumbered past -
an empty, glass rectangle lit weakly inside by flourescent.
couldn't hear the rumbling of it, i felt so removed.
i realized i hadn't looked around a lot, i mean,
really raised my head and looked, since i got back.

and i thought, ang tagal ko nang di nalalayo.
kailangan ko na uling umalis.

to quezon via rizal (part1: lunch at pagsanjan)

2006-06-14T10:36:00.000+08:00

from makati, we took the "backdoor" to quezon. that is, via antipolo, rizal, passing through towns with names like pakil and pangil. i wanted the city kids to discover this route - my route from so many summers going to tayabas - so they could see the furniture makers along the way, the small towns, the mountains on the right, the fish pens on your left or sometimes, the other way round.
this is the road to take if getting there isn't the only objective and the going there is part of the vacation. it's a good road by the way and i wish more people took it. hmm, or maybe not, as this would mean traffic.

we had lunch on the way, in a little gallery cafe in pagsanjan called 83, er, gallery cafe. i'm glad we got suckered in by the artsy facade and garden look, because the food didnt' disappoint.
it doesn't take a lot to make me happy with pinoy food, but it takes a lot to impress me. being a 'gata' person, the chicken in coconut cream was a real hit. the added touch of 'mustasa' (is this a tagalog cuisine thing?) gave the coconut cream a subtle, slightly bitter bite. the menu - mostly pinoy favorites like binagoongag baboy, fried fish with tortang talong, laing, nilagang baka - i wouldn't call it extensive, but you're sure to find something there that you'd like.
the pastas looked interesting too - with sauces with kesong puti or chorizong lucban - but rice was the order of the day. at the end of the meal, we were glad to have stumbled on this little gem of a place. and were happily, lazily on our way further east.

(if they hadn't been tired, i'd have wanted to take a boat on the river and go through the waterfall in a bamboo raft. i guess at this point, having left makati a bit late, travel companions just wanted to get wherever "there" was already.)

* TO TAKE THE ROAD TO QUEZON/BICOL VIA ANTIPOLO: well, just head for antipolo. if coming from ortigas, take the right turn at the Hamaka park. This would put the Ynares center on your left and follow the road all the way straight. You'll pass an intersection with a Shopwise, 711, kfc, wendy's on your left. Keep going straight past this. Around 5 minutes down, you'll pass a Y intersection right after a small Shell station, keep to the road on the right. If you hit Robina Farms, a cement factory and steep curves - you're on the right track! Just follow this road all the way down to whatever town in rizal or quezon you like.

** 83 GALLERY CAFE: when you hit pagsanjan, the main road to town is direcly perpendicular to the church (you'll see the pagsanjan church to your left, the river is behind it). so turn right at (or a bit past, i'm not sure, but anyway, that's the only main road) the church. 83 Gallery Cafe should be a few minutes down the road. You'll see it on your left. It's quite eye-catching with its terracotta colors and a colorful, unidentified female statue outside. Oh, i almost forgot, check out the painting in the restroom (heehee).