night diving

it used to be once a day, but i'm getting old, so i'll settle for do something scary once a month now. for december, it's night diving. i have to admit, i was a bit panicky and unsure when i was getting into the water. for some reason, i couldn't get my breathing to steady. just an arm-span away from D and my heart would pump. Damnit, why do those waves keep moving?!

So when Ricky said 'let's go down', i wanted to scream 'wait! wait! let's stay up here for as long as we can, i'm pretty sure i'll be running out of air fast.' but ang galeng, as soon as we went down, it was alright. the excitement took over. the overwhelming sense of adventure. i was content to float, just taking it all in - the other divers in the dark with their pillars of light. it was all so navy seals, haha.

it was just like walking around your neighborhood at night really. a bit different, a lot more shadows, but what scares you is mostly your imagination. of course the ease was short-lived, i panicked again later on. (being underwater talaga is an exercise in containing hysteria. just slip for a second, just let yourself think for a second about the abyss dropping away under you, the darkness surrounding you, the weight of all that water on top of you...) but then someone took my hand, and again, i was alright.

i loved the parts when i'd peek into little niches in the coral and a fish would hide from the light. "spotted you!" the octopus looked other-worldly and ghost-like (but i still like the cuttlefish more). the sea urchins looked like evil sputniks, waiting to shoot spikes at you when you float by.

i can't wait to get down again. but this time, i'm bringing a bigger light.

whee, B has an underwater camera

and guess who benefits? hehe.
see two cuties below.

happy feet

didn't turn out very happy in some bits. in fact, contrary to the light-hearted, silly little romp the title implies, some parts are down-right heavy, self-important and ambitious. but the happy parts ARE just too cute (surprisingly) and i am now wanting a Lovelace-choking-as-he-keeps-upright-in-the-ice-storm action figure. i want one that cackles and spits and chokes. what are the chances of finding that?

anyway, a tap-dancing penguin with a cause got me thinking about mine (again). i know, i know, you'll say it's 'another one of those days' when i look out the window and think about other things. but i can't help it. i was in a cab this morning heading back to the office from another long and pointless meeting about small and unimportant things, and it just came to me - i don't want to do this anymore.
i can only keep distracting myself with a mildly interesting initiative for a kinder client, or a new shoot that'll prove to be fun, or a cool costume for the christmas party, but you know what? after everything, after i close the window after distracting myself with another wiki article, or after walking back to my desk after successfully clearing with dave, i'm still bored. the way i was bored in bangkok, not having work. here, i do have work, bored-busy, busy-bored with self-important and ambitious campaigns to sell soup.

you'll say i'm whining. i got what i wanted and now that i have it i want something else. well, i've always wanted something else haven't i? and now i wonder why i never went for that. in the cab this morning, heading back to the office from another long and pointless meeting about small and unimportant things, it just came to me - i want my life to change next year.

and not just a - move to another country but still do the same thing - kind of change. but a bigger, deeper change. heck, maybe a total overhaul. of course, i'll keep some things. maybe it's just a matter of moving things around a bit so i can do more of what i really want to. i don't know yet really. i don't know anything for sure. but a change is coming. please let it be coming. something that could be heavy, self-important and ambitious too, but at least, moving along on happy feet.

ha!

three months in thailand and i manage 75 blog entries. i've been back here officially seven months and i don't even have a third of that here. i therefore conclude (not that this is a new realization) - having a life is counter-productive.

(whispering) atin-atin lang to ha, but that's also my excuse for being one travel article, three personal essays and umpteen fiction pieces negative. there goes my brilliant writing career. bwahahahahahahahahaha.